We can't take the cancer away....

The hardest thing I have ever had to do is to watch my child suffer right before my eyes. To watch him be in so much pain and to not be able to do anything about it. When Carson was diagnosed with cancer it was the worst day of my life. Nothing will ever compare to the pain and hurt I felt that day. From the moment he was diagnosed all I wanted to do was to take it away. But of coarse I knew this was not an option, no matter what, not matter how hard, this was it, our journey, our heart ache, our trial. From that point on we had no choice but to continue and to do all that we could to be there for him... to hold his hand, to comfort him, to learn everything we could about his illness and to move forward. My pain would eventually over time turn into joy when I could spend every minute with him, I quit my job and did everything I could to keep him comfortable & happy! Hyrum, Sydney, & Hannah have of coarse helped along the way... We all "spoil" him on a daily basis with lots of hugs & kisses, lot's of toys, cartoons any time of the day, lots of treats, you name it he get's it. Cereal for dinner, hash browns for lunch and occasionally Mac & cheese for Breakfast! Sleeping in "his bed" has no longer been a must, snuggling up to mom and dad every night has became the norm. Having to watch him day in and day out at the young age of two get Cranked up with lots of Meds that are hard to pronounce that have side affects that are just brutal, to have him feel like complete crap morning to night, to be home ALL the time, to watch him get VERY chubby, nauseated, have trouble with his walking. To watch him loose all of his hair & eyebrows (which is harder then you would think for a two year old) lots and lots of needles, Doctors and Nurses.

As Carson's Parents we knew from the beginning that we could not take the cancer away but what we did know was that we could continue to love him with everything we've got and yes... to see him happy and smile has really been our "cure" through all of this. Seeing him happy allows us to stay as normal as possible & has really given us the strength to carry on. While we still leave it up to the many Dr's at PCMC along with Mr Chemo to do their job in curing Carson's cancer. We hope to continue to use our method to cure us! Everyone always first ask about Carson, How is he doing? Then next...how are the girls? And last.. how are YOU doing? As long as The kids are ok I am ok! They are my life and nothing makes me more happy then them. It makes my day to see them smile and for them to be happy it will always be my cure! I just want everyone to know again that we are so thankful to everyone that has helped us over this last year, we still can't thank you all enough!

Now...... with the help of the most amazing organization EVER we are getting a little more help in spoiling our little guy and making him smile. Carson has officially been chosen by The Make a Wish Foundation of Utah to get a wish!!!! We were just notified yesterday that Carson's wish is being granted!! AND >>>>>His wish is to go to Walt Disney World, Animal Kingdom & Sea World Orlando!! Our sweet little guy deserves this so much and even though we tell him all the time about the trip he really has no idea what he is in for! We can't wait!! We are SO excited, and sooooo grateful beyond belief! We can't wait to see all the MANY smiles we will all have on this trip. We hope to take the trip the very first or second week in November!

On another note Carson has been feeling pretty good, He is a little tired at times, but he really has been feeling great considering all the medicine he is still on. We are doing what we can to help him enjoy his summer and hope to keep him home and comfortable. Unfortunately Carson's counts have been a roller coaster so far in Maintenance, up and down....up and down, platelets were very low for two weeks and all oral chemo was put on hold. Now Platelets are up but Carson's ANC is down WAY down at only 200! UGH! I really WISH his counts would stay at a higher level.